i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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