I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
ttyl tear gas
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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