the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
