i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize