I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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