good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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