i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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