like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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