Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
