I hate your face
So gin and wine won't be happening again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize