please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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