I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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