careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
