I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
