I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
