Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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