Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
