just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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