Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
