I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
