I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
