Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That accounts for only three of the penises
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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