you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
