Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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