god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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