I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
