even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
