Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
