I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
