just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish you could order shots online.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
