At least make sure they are 18
Why
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
