He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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