Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
