He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
