quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
