The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
