Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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