OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
