I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
