I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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