There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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