the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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