he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
