I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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