Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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