So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think I am morally bankrupt
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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