looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
