Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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