ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
