If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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