omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize