yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
