Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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