I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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