my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
