so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
