I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize