i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
