We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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