My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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