haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
