i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
