And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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