If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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