Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
