1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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