just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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