it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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