Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize