I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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