I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
