Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
