So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
