totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
