1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
