haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
