You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
