I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
