I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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