You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
