I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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