he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
